I spend a lot of time on this site talking about just how incredible South East Asia is.
This is my easily my favourite part of the world. Most of the time the scenery is stunning, the people are friendly, the culture is fascinating and the food … oh the food.
But, now and again, I find somewhere that I just can’t stand.
I don’t expect everywhere to appeal to me, and nor should it. What I’m looking for in a destination is not the same thing as a family on a two week vacation or a bunch of guys on their gap year.
That said, after a year or so travelling in this region, I’ve spent time in a few different tourist traps that have almost no redeeming features whatsoever for me.
These are those places.
Kuta Beach, Bali
Kuta is, almost certainly, one of the worst tourist destinations I have been in my life. Once a sleepy fishing village with a beautiful beach, it is now a crowded, polluted tourist hellhole.
Rubbish blows in the streets and out to sea, only to be washed back in again on the next tide. Vendors keep up an incessant clamour to sell you taxis, sunglasses and offensive t-shirts or stickers. Who wouldn’t want to buy items emblazoned with such charming slogans as “Hi 5 for Herpies”[sic] and “Dan loves it in the stink”?
Bloated foreigners – mainly Australian – drag their sunburned carcases around the beach all day and the clubs all night. The local watery brew, Bintang, is in the hands and on the singlets of every passer-by. And this is in the low season – it’s even worse later in the year.
Luckily not all of Bali is like this – clean, quiet beaches or picturesque rice fields are only an hour’s drive away.
The best thing about Kuta was, undoubtedly, leaving it.
Chaweng, Koh Samui, Thailand
My first experience of an island in this region was Koh Samui, the largest of a small cluster in the Gulf of Thailand. The experience was far from enjoyable.
Perhaps my expectations were too high, but the line of expensive resorts that blocked access to the beach and pickup trucks with loudspeakers blasting advertising all day and night wasn’t quite what I had in mind for my ‘tropical paradise’.
Food was twice the price of the mainland, and so westernised as to be unrecognisable. The delicate mix of flavours and searing heat of my meals in Bangkok and Chiang Mai was replaced with bland, tasteless sludge. Or a ham sandwich.
Things got better outside of the main town of Chaweng, but two nights on Samui were more than enough for me. I boarded the ferry to Koh Tao and went diving for a week instead. A much better option.
Vang Vieng, Laos
Laos is a wonderful country to backpack through. Lying in a hammock for days in the 4000 islands, exploring the Bolaven Plateau by scooter, taking a slow boat up the river from Luang Prabang … the gentle people and natural beauty meant that I loved my month there.
Except when I went to Vang Vieng.
This tiny town is infamous on the SE Asia backpacker circuit as “that place where you go tubing”. Every year tens of thousands of backpackers drink a few buckets, maybe take a few drugs, and float down the Nam Song river in an inner tube admiring the limestone karsts.
Sounds like fun, and indeed it was – but the small town has now become a caricature of backpacker life, completely at odds with the conservative local culture.
During the day stoned and hungover tourists slumped into comas while watching infinite loops of ‘Friends’ and ‘Family Guy’ in the bars, while at night wasted teenagers stumbled around the streets in board shorts and bikinis vomiting, fighting and hooking up in equal measure.
All the while unhappy-looking locals stood handing over yet another banana pancake or lao-lao bucket, obviously not enjoying what their town has become but welcoming the influx of money at the same time.
Outside Vang Vieng it is still beautiful, and rock-climbing and kayaking trips away from the drunken hordes get rave reviews. With both heavy rain and mild depression settling in, however, I headed north after less than 48 hours. Some people keep finding excuses not to leave this place where the party never ends, but I couldn’t find a single reason to stay.
Just About Anywhere on Phuket, Thailand
Similar in many ways to Koh Samui, I struggled to enjoy my time in Phuket. Perhaps I have been spoiled from my time elsewhere in SE Asia, but one of the most popular tourist destinations in Thailand felt … well … just like one of the most popular tourist destinations in Thailand.
Having been used to travelling on the cheap, Phuket was a rude awakening. Taxi prices are fixed at a price double or triple the rate elsewhere in Thailand. I was recently quoted 400 baht for a (literally) five minute ride from the airport.
The only place with reasonable prices on the island is Phuket Town, and that’s because it is not really a tourist destination. Anywhere near a beach is overpriced, especially outside low season. Sex sells in places like Patong, and I found even areas further north full of the kind of ‘tourists’ that give Thailand a bad name.
The food is generally terrible and attractions unexciting, but mostly I can’t stand Phuket because I feel like nothing more than a walking ATM, suitable only for withdrawing cash from. Try as I might I just can’t form relationships with anyone that aren’t built on money, and that makes me sad.
The only place I’ve found that I like in any way is Nai Yang in the north. It’s still expensive and very tourist-focused, but at least the pollution and hassle from touts is much more limited. Still, I doubt I’ll be rushing back any time soon.
Do you agree? Have you found other tourist destinations in SE Asia that you really don’t like?
Images via jetalone (Chaweng), Ianz (Vang Vieng), tata_aka_T (Patong)